Don't be STUPID & Lonely

Not trusting nobody and only dependin on yourself is for the birds…….wack af - Genesis 2:18

I'm realizing it is horrible for me to be alone. I’m not really sure how but I developed this sabotaging mindset that I’m only good if I got me, I can’t trust anyone with my intimate ideas, wounds, and fears. That I need to be the one in charge and I’m lit enough to do it on my own. That I can raise this kid by myself, start this business on my own, figure out my issues on my own and be whole. Which couldn’t be further from the truth. When I am alone I’m depressed, dark, and tired. I’m more inclined to have a bunch of empty sex, waste money, and get lost.

I am a hurt and imperfect individual. I had to come to terms with the truth which is  I took myself as far as I can go and the only thing that will take me further is partnerships. It’s leaning on someone else to help carry the load of life or give you guidance when you can’t see correctly, just giving someone the authority to overrule you when you are acting stupid. It wasn’t until I partnered with my friend/sister (who are both women)  that I was able to see I was sh*tty towards women. It wasn’t until I partnered with my business partners (which one is a woman) that my business began to reach real profit, it wasn’t until I partnered with a therapist (which is a woman)  was I able to began to identify the root of my issues, it wasn’t until I partnered with my friends/family (who are primarily women) was I able to give my son the care that he needs. It wasn’t until I partnered with other real solid men was I able to start to walk a man’s path with more integrity while protecting the ones I’m serving and serving me. Lastly, it wasn’t until I partnered with God I was able to forgive myself, see myself, begin to love myself and my life. 

So therefore partnership is going to be what gets me to the next level of my business and life. I am TERRIBLE alone. I’m not perfect now, I fall and still have a bunch of issues to work out but I’m in a great space. This makes me a little more excited for a life partner and wonder what its like to have a woman that’s mine… If I’ve gotten this far with people that have helped me intimately but not the most intimately I can just imagine how far I can go with a woman who makes it her intention to help, serve and love while I cover, protect and provide for life in the most intimate way possible. The world tries to tell me to not lean on or trust people. It tells me to use women and disregard them but I’ve done that and it’s gotten me nowhere but hell. So as I’m walking back from that step by step on a daily basis I have to remind myself of that. Yes people have let me down on the way and hurt me but why would I deny myself something good and hault my progression because of other people? I just look at my role in the hurt, trust God and move forward. While also remembering that I’ve hurt people, but that doesn’t mean I’m not capable of loving and adding value to others. We can only give others the same forgiveness we give ourselves.