God's losing my trust
God, honestly I feel like you don’t come through for me….
No offense but God I don’t trust you. How can you even expect me to when I can barely hear you? Everywhere I look I see people who depend on you but are still struggling. Your way is too hard and you demand too much from me. Life hurts man, and I don’t like it. It’s getting too scary and I’m getting pushed too close to the edge. I expected you to do something by now. WHERE ARE YOU!? Sometimes I feel crazy; following something that I don’t even feel is real at times. Then when I do depend on you it doesn’t go the way I expected. Every time I try to follow you something stupid happens and it’s like life and my situations get worse. You can’t expect me to do everything your way when it doesn’t make sense and it’s hard. I wanna believe you’ll come through... I do... but you don’t make it easy. I got ex’s, situationships, and potentials that are willing to do whatever for me whenever. But instead, I’m sitting here looking and feeling stupid waiting on you and trying to do things your way, when I can figure this out on my own (and the way I was moving before wasn’t even all that bad.)
His Response
How well has that been working out for you? Everything you do on your own has led you to be bitter, tired, hurt, or not where you expected. Stop fooling yourself into thinking that you know what you’re doing on your own. If that was the case your relationships would’ve worked out how you expected, your career paths and jobs would have fulfilled the promises they made to you. If you knew what you were doing you wouldn’t be reading this and seeing yourself. I never promised you it would be easy, I never said you wouldn’t be frustrated. I only promised to always save you and that you'd have to die to your old self, old habits, and old ways of thinking in the process. With my suffering comes joy, growth, and love. With your own suffering comes death, destruction, and chaos. At least with trusting me there is a purpose to your pain. When you take it into your hands you drop the ball... every time. Oh, and using people to get you out of discomfort isn’t figuring it out that’s just being weak and inconsiderate. Also, since we're being so “real” with each other, I’ve opened doors for you that would change your life but you’ve been too much of a coward to walk through them.
I will give you the strength to walk through the hard times and still have joy. I will give you the ability to get through heartbreak and still be able to love. I will give you the ability to get cheated on and still love again. By trusting me, I will give you peace, security, and love on a level you can’t articulate. With my trust, I will heal you. Walking with me is like walking through fire and not even smelling like smoke. Walking with me is like getting thrown in a lion's mouth and not having a single bone broken. So understand I never promised that you won’t have ups and downs, or won’t get hit or scratched or feel pain. I promised to not only save you but get you through it so well that you won’t look like what you went through. Not bitter, hateful, or toxic but whole, healed, and full of love.
What’s trust if it’s never put to the test. These little trials are nothing compared to what I have for those who keep running back to me, especially after they’re discouraged. I’m looking for loyalty, just like you. I don’t produce weak men and women. I produce royalty, who are able to fight as hard as they are able to love. Before you doubt me, doubt your doubts.