God Sex
A honest convo for Men
That rush of guilt that would come every time I finished having sex with her felt like a thousand pound weight on my shoulders and I knew whenever she would look at me she felt it too. Sex with me was killing her. It’s like every time I entered her I left deposits of emptiness in her and she spread darkness on me. At first, we thought we were having appointments of pleasure but we were just linking up to chip pieces of our souls away. This was ironic, we were performing the act that was meant to create life but instead we were producing death. Deep down inside we knew we shouldn’t be there or be doing it…...but we didn’t stop. I found myself in this predicament over and over again. As a result, it stained my overall view of sex. Often I ask myself why does it always seem to over promise and under deliver? Why does it feel like the thing that’s supposed to be the representation of love produces so much hate? Why is it that the thing that’s supposed to produce life brings me so much death? Why is the thing that’s supposed to bring pleasure bring me so much pain?
God loves sex, he is not opposed to it. He actually encourages us to have it and use it for its intended purposes and pleasure. He even warns us about the consequences of not doing it with your significant other. I thought God didn’t like sex and wanted to keep me from doing it while changing me in the process so I didn’t desire it but that’s false. He just wants to protect us so we can enjoy all the better things he has in store for us. Sex can bring a lot of unnecessary b.s. like stress, emptiness, temporary satisfaction, waste of resources like money, gas, time, and effort. And of course, major repercussions that some of us know from first-hand experiences like disease and death. Whether it's death emotionally, relationally, or physically like unwanted pregnancies and abortions (Speaking from my personal experiences). All of this leaves us with a ton of unnecessary burdens, trauma, and pain. And that's just what we can see. Spiritually it does even worse. God knows this, which is why he emphasizes that we should stay away from it when it’s done outside of the proper boundaries - he's trying to protect us. Not keep us from enjoying life. He’s loyal and has our back at all times. He knows that the dude you think is super sexy and smart is actually a wolf in sheep’s clothing that's going to leave you broken and bitter, or that beautiful queen with the nice body is low-key a “eater” and he just wants to spare us the process of unnecessary healing from giving up the most intimate parts of us to quick.
Reading this shouldn’t make you feel unworthy, shameful or condemned because look at who's writing this. Someone that has dropped the ball A LOT. (Honestly it hasn’t been that long ago either). I’ve been at the place where I said I would never do it again, while going to church, reading my bible and baptized, and still sneaking out to go ruin yet another woman. While having been through every kind of consequence and still figuring it out. So understand that you are not alone. I speak so confidently because God is forgiving and really good. He will walk with you through this without shame and guilt. I’m happy to say that I am a really good sinner but God is more understanding, patient, loving, and consistent than I am at messing up. Get to know him. It's worth it.