Intimacy With Him taught me Intimacy with "Her"

Devotion Entry #1000: 6:15am

As a single, ambitious and some what decent looking man in south Florida all the odds are against us men in terms of having a healthy intimacy with women and what's sad is that most of us don't know it.

I am not one that tries to force a relationship with God on anyone but I am someone who can not deny truth especially if it has helped me.

I remember there being times where I felt as if my soul was dark, empty in so much turmoil if it had a voice you could hear its howling screams from 30 miles away. I had money, clothes, looks and clout, with every attempt I would make to fill that dark, empty bottomless void with more and more women the worse it got. I just wanted to be to feel connected, understood and to be able to trust someone.....anyone. So I went about it the only way I knew how to, the only way I saw (on tv, via music and how my surroundings said I should). Which was baggin & smashing any woman I thought the  world deemed as valuable (because she was sexy or pretty....on the outside). I would introduce myself to her early in the day, talk to her late at night, and sneaking out her room in the middle of the night leaving them vulnerable, exposed and naked. I was an expert at "connection"....a finesser without ever having to have a real relationship or consistent communication. I thought I had the perfect recipe....why was I still so troubled and lonely.

Then I met someone, he introduced himself to me early in the day, then we'd talk late at night and in the middle of the night when I was scared, uneasy and troubled I'd reach out and he sneak into my room late night. Over and over again. Soon out of nowhere he knew everything about me, I started to trust him and his promises to the point where I found myself being vulnerable and in tears when we were together....but I wouldn't trade those moments for anything in the world.

He taught me something that I now pray I can one day practice with the next "her" my "forever her" which is this....

Him: "I know you think you're an expert at "connection" but what you know is wrong. You ultimately finessed no one but yourself. Those women who you think you "bagged" were more aware and in control than you think. What you gained from it is nothing but empty memories. Your void isn't something that you or anyone else can fill. The intimacy that you crave is valid but where you look for it is wrong. Intimacy that is rushed is nothing but lust, intimacy that is built leads to real love.

Then at that point I realized.....I the finesser, got finessed. What I was initially taught was wrong. I didn't know how to connect with a woman....but I do know how I connected with him. It's simple, I communicated with him over and over again. Then from communication I began to build trust in him....which lead to me being vulnerable, exposed and naked in front of him. Not only did he accept me, he healed me, covered me and encouraged me. I never felt used or abused. I felt connected, understood and finally able to trust. So now that I know real intimacy when I meet a "Her" again, she'll be my for ever "Her" and I will forever thank "Him" because of that.

He is God.

Her....we don't know yet.

As man we have to know how to be intimate and vulnerable because that is how we form true relationships.